


the words we never say

by bias_wrecked



Category: VIXX
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Melancholy, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 17:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15053762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bias_wrecked/pseuds/bias_wrecked
Summary: Hakyeon's getting married. Jaehwan's been invited to the wedding.





	the words we never say

**Author's Note:**

> i never thought i'd publish a fic, but i guess there's a first time for everything
> 
> thank you to lauren, gabby, raven, appia, and mia who held my hand along the way :)

Jaehwan trudged up the stairs to his apartment and wrestled with the lock that he’d been meaning to get fixed for weeks. He finally managed to shove the door open and accidentally scared his cat Tony in the process. 

He lazily kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his jacket before bending down to pick up the mail that lay on the floor in a haphazard pile. He tossed it on the coffee table before heading straight to change out of his work clothes. He pulled on his favorite pair of worn sweatpants and snuggly sweatshirt that was at least three sizes too large and decided to eat. 

An underwhelming selection of leftovers and instant food greeted him from inside the fridge. When was the last time he went to the store? He made a mental note to go soon. Or maybe he’d just complain to Eunji about how cooking was hard, and she’d insist on feeding him a vegetable.

He cracked open a beer while he waited for the precious “ding!” of the microwave, and after one serving of Thai curry and a burned tongue, he plopped down on the couch and picked up the mail. 

Colorful ads of a various nature greeted his eyes like always, but he paused the moment he spied his name in gold script on the front of a cream envelope. He plucked it from the pile as he wondered who would have sent him such an elegant letter. The return address on the back didn’t ring any bells, and he cocked his head as his finger traced the seam before slipping under the sealed flap and ripping. 

“Motherfucker!” he exclaimed, shaking his hand and sucking on his finger where the paper sliced into his skin. Inside the envelope was a card that looked like it had come straight out of Pinterest, complete with a floral border that framed some gold script. 

_You are joyfully invited to celebrate the wedding of Hakyeon + Wongeun_

The details that followed were unimportant, and he stared for a few minutes at those first words, murmuring them to himself as if he couldn’t believe what he was reading. 

“So he’s getting married,” he said to himself.

He glanced down at the invitation, quickly flipped over the envelope to double check that, yes, it was addressed to him before looking at his cat and repeating, “He’s getting married and he invited me to the wedding.” 

Tony broke their staring contest, as the tabby had better things to do than watch his owner be perplexed by a piece of paper, and Jaehwan leaned back and crossed his arms with a small “huh.” 

He sat there silently a few moments before reaching for his phone to shoot off a quick _so i just got an invite to hakyeon’s wedding_ text to Hongbin. He didn’t expect a reply anytime soon; Eunji had nearly blackmailed Hongbin into leaving the house and visiting a nearby beach town for the weekend. 

Hongbin and Eunji were Jaehwan’s closest friends, and the two had been together for years. Eunji had naturally been the instigator of their relationship, mostly because God had blessed Hongbin with a gorgeous face at the expense of social skills. But they worked. Her cheerful outgoing nature balanced out his inability to human and somehow, against the laws of physics and the known universe, they stuck. 

Throughout college, Hongbin had always been oblivious to Jaehwan’s eternal crush on Hakyeon, but Eunji had noticed the longing and the sadness in Jaehwan’s eyes when it came to Hakyeon. It was always Jaehwan who comforted Hakyeon during his break ups, and when Hakyeon inevitably found himself a new boyfriend, it was always Eunji who gave Jaehwan her shoulder to cry on. 

But college had ended and relationships had changed. Hongbin and Jaehwan had remained close, while Hakyeon and Jaehwan had grown apart. The distance had admittedly helped Jaehwan see that other people in the world existed, even if nothing had ever come to fruition.

Sometimes Jaehwan played a game with himself and thought “what if?” What if he’d just confessed, where would he - and Hakyeon - be? Would they have lasted or broken up? It had been a while since he’d wondered, and even longer since he’d actually had real feelings for Hakyeon, but there was nothing like having a physical invitation to a long-time college crush's wedding to invoke mild panic. 

It had been nearly a year since Jaehwan had last spoken with Hakyeon, just a simple text exchange to wish Hakyeon a happy 29th birthday. They did what most people do as they get older; they said they should catch up sometime, but sometime never came. Jaehwan wasn't hurt, not really, but it still _felt_ important. Not everyone was supposed to stick around forever, but it felt like one of the important connections had faded, and Jaehwan wasn't sure how to get it back, or if he even wanted to.

He remembered the post he'd paused at while scrolling through Instagram nearly a year and a half ago, the one announcing their engagement, and he hadn't thought much of it at the time. He liked it and had asked Hongbin if he'd seen it, nothing more. He'd probably had a thought or two about how it was yet another engagement announcement, that Hakyeon had joined the ranks of the "settled down,” but that was about it.

Despite his audacity and ridiculous exterior, Jaehwan had never dared all those years ago. Consequently, he’d failed by default. A moment of courage, and the course of his life could have been altered. In another universe, it certainly would have been. But in his world, the irritating voice in the back of his head had convinced him that if Hakyeon had shown interest, he would have asked. But Hakyeon never had, so Jaehwan never did.

Jaehwan had come up with excuses such as preserving the friendship or it wasn't the right time to ask, but the real truth was that he'd been scared. And now he was staring at the invitation to the wedding of the man who might have been, could have been, the love of his life. 

If only that one night he hadn't played off that drunken "I love you." If only he'd reached his hand out further during that study date. If only he'd said it wasn't okay when Hakyeon had asked if he should go on that date with the hot boy from film class. Had he missed a sign? An opening? Had Hakyeon hoped that Jaehwan would confess? Had Hakyeon known about Jaehwan’s crush all along and _wanted_ it instead of ignoring it like Jaehwan had always thought? _Did I miss my shot at romantic happiness, my one and only?_

 _No,_ he reasoned, _no, that's ridiculous._ Because even if they'd dated, maybe it wouldn't have worked. Maybe they would have broken up. Maybe it would have been messy. Jaehwan knew firsthand that a relationship did not equal happiness. Not to mention the idea that a One… well, Jaehwan was a romantic but not to that extent.

He turned the card over again in his fingers and looked around for a pen. But before he could check any box, he paused. Should he tick the plus one box or not? He could probably get someone to go with him, just so he didn't have to go alone. Or maybe he shouldn't go at all. It might be too painful. 

If receiving the invitation had been a shock, he couldn't quite imagine what it would feel like to actually see Hakyeon standing there, beautifully immaculate in his suit with his groom standing next to him. To watch them kiss, to see the joy in their eyes as they say their vows, surrounded by their friends and family, might just be too much. His hand hovered a moment before putting the pen down, leaving the invitation pristine. 

He sighed as he sank back into the couch cushions and pushed the invitation and its envelope aside. 

_A letter to the one who slipped away  
A letter for the things that never start_

**Author's Note:**

> The last two lines are from the song [Restless Dream](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhtgLa3Ql4U) by Jack's Mannequin and were the inspiration for this doodle.
> 
> Fun fact: Since Jaehwan is a real nerd boy, Tony the cat is named after both Chopper and Iron Man. Sometimes Jaehwan thinks he should have named him after Hongbin, since they both ignore him and pretend to dislike him, but actually they love him a lot.
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


End file.
